Notices!

Sadly, my brief meteoric rise to the bottom of the top of the Michigan Novice Amateur placings is over. Somehow the skinny little teen that shows with me (you know who you are) managed to keep her name in the placings for youth. Uh huh, NOW I know how it works, apparently you have to place really well and not just be the only one that showed up to the Nov Am classes at the February show. Fine, if that is the way you want it MQHA, just fine!

I haven't been riding enough, I can tell you that, the Burglar is thrilled, however. Why is it he is really good when I ride him after time off? He is trying to reward me for not riding him, I know it, too bad, Burglar.

Since it is summer and the students have largely gone home to tan and work at the golf club for the summer, I will have a lot more time to screw around.

Well, I have been really busy at my 'job' . They call it that, I call it the scourge of the riding classes, to pervert an Oscar Wilde quote. Well the Turd Burglar is doing pretty great, although he had to give up his big, cushy foaling stall for a warmblood. That's what the Turd Burglar gets for being a mere 15.3h and not having a hydrocephalic head and a big fat ass!

I spent my entire lesson on Monday negotiating 4 lope poles! dear god, is there any hope?

There is a new class of horse kooks, the amateur farriers. These people are crazy, just as crazy as any horse Kook can be. They fill the forums with yapping about angles, contracted heels, barefoot trims, 'methods' of trimming and other such drek.

Now here is the thing, I don't know jack about feet, but at least I admit this. Farrier schools aren't like check cashing places, I don't think they are on every corner, so where are all these multitudes of people (who have HOURS to spend on the web dispensing advise) learning all this stuff? Do they follow their farrier around? Can you imagine that poor bastard's day? Some yahoo posts a picture of their backyard horse's feet and it is off to the races for these hoof enthusiasts.

The strangest thing I have read lately is a hoofie (that is what I will call them from now on) asking a poster why she has shoes on her 3 year old at all? I didn't know being young ment you could automatically go shoe free! when are shoes manditory then? 16? 25? Hoofies are very worried about everyone else's horses hooves, because they are pretty sure YOUR horses are suffering silently from whatever YOUR shitty farrier is doing to them. Oi Vey! really? so having a big, freaking expensive horse isn't enough of a hobby? you have to have a horsie MICRO-hobby? How about you come clean my house instead, that would get you off the bulletin boards and away from your long-suffering farrier and get the tumbleweeds of elkhound fur out from under my couch! Its a Win-Win!

Ciao!

Not Horse Related, sadly

Believe it or not it has been over a week since I was last at the barn. I officially have the horse D.T.s. I am beginning to question their existance, a problem that I hope will be remedied by going to the barn tonight and riding the crap out of the Burglar. Turdy baby! Momma's coming!

Ok, I was in New York City this past weekend and I have to share my impressions. New Yorkers are actually not that rude, I expected to be yelled at a lot, but I wasn't. Once I figured out that there is no way to get actually get out of anyone's way, and they don't really expect you to, me and NYC got along just fine.

I was expecting New Yorkers to be more like circuit people, yelling at you, cutting you off and agressively passing, but New Yorkers are much more polite than circuit people. Go figure.

New Yorkers wear ridiculous shoes, and they walk A LOT. That city must be the bunion capital of the world. They wear shoes like these: young ladies and really old ladies alike. zoinks. The other thing I noticed about New Yorkers is that they will wear absolutely anything they can get their hands on, on their head. I swear knitted monstrosities, gigantic rabbit fur Russian hats, beer can hats, kittens, potted plants, you name it. Do you know what an effort you have to make to wear gigantic bug-eye sunglasses on the subway? I can not imagine taking them off, navigating your way to the platform, then sticking them back on for the train ride any more than I can imagine actually making it to the train with them on and NOT hitting the third rail. Fey scarves are pretty popular too. New York guys wear the gayest shoes I have ever seen. Really, really gay shoes, and New Yorkers? what is up with the leather coats? do they give those away with NY state I.D. cards and Metrocards? They are really tacky and ugly. Yuck.

Here is a tip for OLD New York ladies, ass loads of make-up, dyed red hair and high-heeled cowboy boots are not a good look for you, you look like a washed up pole dancer from Reno.

Here is a tip for tourists, don't wear your NASCAR coat, and leave your chick with the over-curled, 'I have never been out of Indiana' bangs at home. I will say that hanging out with midwestern tourists is a lot of fun, but why on earth, would you go to a planetarium show at the Natural History Museum in NEW YORK CITY if you are a creationist? Do you like slamming your dick in the door? (don't answer that, you probably do, you sick evangelical bastard).

I did find a western shop in the Village, LOTS of pointy toed boots with fancy high heels. The great thing about it is that the "city folk" are SO getting hosed, a 2x felt hat for $150 bucks and Justin Basic ropers for $169. Tee hee, hillbilly's revenge.

Ciao!