The Burglar was SOOOO happy yesterday, because he got ridden in a snaffle. Better than candy to the Burglar, no horrible spring loaded evil touching his soft, velvety and oh-so sensitive palate. He likes the snaffle because we can fall on our forehand, which makes us trip, and mommy cant lift up the front end you see because woo hoo who cares I am in a snaffle! Booger.
We had a good ride, actually, if he doesn't lose his mind we should be o.k. at the show next weekend. Poor Burglar, I put him out in the field, turned around and whammo! hood is pulled over our head and we can now only see out of one earhole (eeeevil blue eye staring!). My sister said he looked like the elephant man, "I am not a show pony, I am a Turd Burglar!!!". So I took advantage of the fact that he couldn't see me and snuck up on him and fixed it. Burglar? Why do you run from mommy like a dork?
O.K. I was going to post a picture of the Elephant Man but the pictures were grossing me out. I know what you are thinking, 'detox poo doesn't gross you out but the elephant man does?' what can I say but CORRECT!
So today I am going to talk about trail riding and trail riders.
Here's the thing, trail riders, you, yes YOU are the reason that people who don't ride don't consider riding a real sport. That is because it takes all the talent, balance and skill of a fresh corpse (even post-rigor mortis if you position them right) to trail ride. Every asshole says the same thing "its work for the horse, not you" That is when I stick dear husband on a pony in an english saddle and say, "o.k. asshole - post for 45 minutes". To be fair, hubby has learned his lesson, and when he gets uppity, I remind him how much he enjoyed in his words "a small child using my nuts for a punching bag"
So thanks for making my life miserable. I don't mind pony rides, heck we all loved them when we were 5 years old, but lets not pretend that trail riding is anything other than an pony ride for the over-40 set, o.k.? Cause it isn't. Especially now that all you Geritol types have discovered how smooth them Tennesse walkers and rocky mountain gaited disasters are.
I find it confusing that the people with the least riding skill feel compelled to get liquored up and ride around all day on barely broke horses over logs and through rivers and crap.
I have been on trail rides, sweet Jesus they are boring, they are usually on some horrible mistake of a horse (my last trail ride was on a an ex-bronc from the rodeo - Great F-ing Idea for a trail horse) my stirrups cranked up around my ears we took off on a half hour long pony ride. It is really boring, I wish I had been liquored up, perhaps it would have been fun.
My favorite is when trail riders get uppity and say things like "I'd like to see your show horse out on a trail crossing water and logs" well just because I dont slam my fingers in a car door for fun, doesn't mean I can't. Ciao!
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