A Friday Limerick and "REAL" Hunters

There once was a Burglar of Turds
Who vowed never to finish third
each event was a Race,
alas, never to place
'cause mom treats me like I'm a nerd!


Oh, have I mentioned the clinic on Wednesday? Me. Want. Kill. Burglar. Burglar you are a naughty, naughty horse! How embarrasing is it when poor poor trainer has to get on you, Burglar? HMMM!?! Even the kid who was going to flip his horse over didn't have to get his wonderful, pokey, pokey spurs taken away, not to mention his big, spring-loaded spoon mouth bit? HMMMMM!?!

There is a horrible rumor going around that maybe, just maybe, I need to not be pokin' the Burglar so much with the "happy mommy" spurs. This rumor is followed by the pernicious suggestion that I might, just might, have to do a little Burglar butt smooching during his more spasmodic episodes. Oh TB, if you werent so wonderful, I might hate you.


Yep not exactly a rousing success on Wednesday night. We are still figuring out what makes the TB tick, butt kissing or ass beating or a combo platter? Seems like the combo platter is the ticket. Although he is so damn cute! I mean look at the Burglar:

Big pwittty white sock-ums, blonde, gorgeous, flowing hair. O.K. I forgive you Burglar!




Ok, My topic today is hilarious, it is Fox Hunting (good one right?) This is the funniest thing I have ever seen, but it is even better when people talk about it on the internet. God Damn, this is hilarious! Apparently there is some sort of "caste" system in the hunter/jumper/eventer/dressage/foxhunting world. It is some complex flow chart of who rides the best, who's horses suck and who is keeping it more "real". This is where the Europeans step in to school it ignorant masses and it makes for some of the most entertaining shit on the web. So on a recent bulletin board, some idiot started a post about "hunters" and how much they suck or something. So this snotty little shit comes on whose screen name is "Hunter Princess" (oh, I know, it gets better) starts getting all pissy with the stadium jumping morons, blah blah blah. Most of that was pretty much mind-numbing gas-bagging, when the QUEEN OF ALL GAS BAGS comes on to tell the dam colonists how unauthentic they are. This is her post:

"I agree with the OP. But it's more about the name, then anything. If it wasn't called 'Hunters', I would just ignore it, but to me, it's an insult to a sport that requires a much higher level of riding, ie Hunting. The forward seat is ridiculous, the horses travel flat and slow and manage to drag themselves over minute jumps without the slightest bit of impulsion. It makes me cringe. I very much doubt a rider, or even a horse, that competes solely in Hunter classes could ever Hunt in 'real life', they probably couldn't keep up with the field, and I bet the horse would fall on his nose the moment he was presented with a decent sized hedge. You're looking at drops of more then 6 feet, and great, wide, solid objects to be jumped from a gallop, and that's just a normal day's hunting, not over particularily big country. We have Hunter classes in the UK, too, but solid RID type horses win, and you're expected to jump 4' rustic jumps from a working canter, and display a gallop. These are used to test the ability of REAL HUNTERS. '

What a goddam windbag, Jesus! I did however, laugh my ass off because then all the hunters got all pissy etc. True internet comedy. Apparently, and I did not know this, "real" Eurotrash
hunters are better than stadium jumpers and stadium jumpers are better than A-Circuit hunters but A-Circuit hunters are better than stock horse hunting because, you guessed it, it is stock horse hunters. I would make up a flow chart but I don't care that much.



The clothes look like any womanish gear for English riding, but I am sure, it is much better than anything around here. I think it is made from the downy hair of newborn serfs from their village, at least the ones that the Lord isn't related to. "Men" for lack of a better term have to wear the red coat, cause, you know, it is so manly, and everybody gets to wear a flappity cravat-shirt thing. If you are really foppish, you get a yellow vest, which signifies you have syphilus, passed down from King George.
They do this kind of crap in the U.S. too, but mostly it is confined to, you guessed it, the south. do you really need any more reason to hate it than that? Somewhere in there I am sure saddleseat has its rancid beginnings, I am sure of it. This sport, while harmless in that almost no one wants to be seen doing something this fruity, is truly one of the more amusing things I have found on the web lately. Can you smell the exclusivity and assholy-ness, I sure can!

Ta Ta for now!