Well we had our first successful clinic in a long time, I think the combo of L. riding the snot out of the Turd Burglar earlier in the day and me kissing his ass through the whole clinic was the ticket! Hurray. It was a "buckleseat" (or as I like to call it now "the unspeakable vice of the Brits"). Luckily, I don't think the saddle is still crammed up my ass, I know because I pulled it out myself!
I will have everyone know that I managed to make the girth tight enough that my saddle did not slip whilst getting on! Ha Ha!!!! I wish I could take credit for the Burglar's awesomeness last night, but I think that L. got the STANK out of him and made him all lovely for me! Would you like a second job getting the STANK out of the TB? It pays nothing and is thankless, but the job security is AWESOME!
The Burglar's new trick when he has had enough of Eq patterns is to practice his flexibility. Of course he only wants to practice flexibility to the right, cause, you know that is the fun side. So instead of standing like a good SEVEN YEAR OLD HORSE, we snake our big ol' head to the right, rest it on my foot, put his lips on my pants, wipes off his slobber, and then he goes for the left, nibbles on my foot etc.... When I tell him to knock it off, we stretch 
our head out and yawn and yawn and yawn, cause, you know, we are so mature and grown up, then of course our canon bones are terribly itchy so we have to scratch them - oh it's time to do the pattern? run, run run be a turd burglar, wooo hooo! stop and wait again..... Smacking the Burglar on the side of the neck does nothing to deter his pure love of flexing, I think it makes us want to flex more in fact, oh, and yawn.....
I have started a new element to my blog, it is called the "little bastard of the week" most likely it will have a mini on it, but it might have a pony, or the Turd Burglar depending on my mood.
Today I would like to talk to the first time horse owners out there. Snuggle up. Good? Comfy? Feeling all 'at-one-with-your-horse'? Yes?, Good. Well I have some news for you sunshine, you are wrong. It's true, what ever you are doing right at this moment with your horse, if your trainer didn't specifically tell you to do it, you are doing it wrong.
Now I know what you all are thinking, 'Exes, didn't you have a whole post about old hags that think they know everything? Are you turning into one of those old hags?' The answer is yes to the first question and 'shut up and pay attention" to the second. I didn't say the old bags -n- hags were wrong, just really annoying. In any case, I still hope you feel free to tell them to stick it, cause I hate them bitches.
Not very long ago, I, too was a new horse owner, and I should probably still be considered a new horse owner, because until only very recently could I make a decision, purchase or statement that wasn't completely, and utterly wrong. I will give you just a few Bona Fides to prove my genius:
The first gelding my sister and I owned, Toby, was a really great beginners horse, that is why we bought him. We fussed over that old bastard like you wouldn't believe, well one day we decide it would be really cute to smack him on the ass and let him run out into the field. I think as we did it a cold shiver ran up our trainer's spine, her Spidey-senses tingled as she thought to herself "someone is doing something incrediably stupid, I can feel it" Well, after taking him out to the field with a halter, chain lead and rope around his neck for the next three months, we too realized it was an incrediably retarded thing to do. Keep in mind, we didn't even know enough to figure out this might be a bad idea, it was our trainer who had to show us how to fix it, you think day care workers have it bad? Now can you imagine if my sister and I had been left to our own devices on this one?
I think we all remember my first two saddle choices, first Australian saddle, second dark oil western saddle. What can I say, I am a slow learner. There were many others, the first show halter I bought, for Toby, the 16.1HH gelding, mare size, yep, I don't think I had it out of the bag yet when R. went, "nope, take it back" goddamnit! I did everything she said, I swear, dark oil, brass fittings (english showmanship) chain lead, blah, blah, blah. But no, I chose WRONG, again.
There were many, many outfits, suggested and rejected and I must say, she was right. I remember admiring some puke at a show and R's comment was "you are NEVER picking your own horse" me, I got noooo problem with that! I learned long ago not to question, I am usually wrong.
First time horse owners for the most part make one mistake, and that is forgiving their horse's quirks and opinions too much. Pony wants to run you down, don't be afraid to smack his ass, hard. Pony threatens when you go to girth? Smack his ass, hard. Pony won't stand still? back him up and smack his ass, hard. Smacking is a good thing sometimes.
Your horse doesn't love you, heck your horse doesn't even care enough about you to love you. If you dropped dead in the field going to get your horse, he wouldn't even glance your way, unless it was to dig food out of your pockets. It upsets people to know this, because they think it can't possibly be true, but, of course, they are wrong about that.
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