Yay! I have made it, I personally know that 4 people read my blog yesterday. I know this because I emailed them all and told them to, but they actually did! I promise not to let my meteoric rise to fame get to my head.
Today's topic is "horse posers" these are people who own, but do not ride horses. Now not everyone who owns, but does not ride is a poser. No, posers come from a special little pocket of hell. They fall into a few categories and I will sort them out today. The first one I actually feel sort of sorry for, they are the "hoodwinked and over-horsed" These are the people who, through no real fault of their own, were convinced to buy a crippled, or mentally deficient horse. These people usually end up over-horsed. A lot of these people end up making the same mistake over and over again, and that is where my pity ends. These people mostly end up giving up and just keeping a rank pasture pet, but they would really like to ride. If they are lucky, they wise up and find someone to help, usually they can't make the horse they own work, but they might find someone trustworthy to help them get a reliable horse, but those people arent really the posers.
The "hoodwinked and over-horsed" people that I absolutely DO NOT feel sorry for, are the ones that are too stupid to listen to good advice. People who have a perfect horse staring them in the face yet they go and buy something utterly inappropriate. I know of someone who had the opportunity to buy the sweetest, proven gelding (been, and placed at Congress, proven) yet ended up the the nastiest, rankest, crippled-est horse I have ever had the displeasure to meet, and hasn't, as of yet, been able to make it to Congress with this horse. Why? I really wish I knew, I could make a fortune selling crap to idiots!
The next group might be the one I hate the most, lets call them the "trappists". Trappists love everything about horses, except actually riding. They are the ones who run out and buy really stupid things without ever looking at what people who actually ride use and wear. For instance, my barn is a stock horse barn, western and english, but stock horse english. Stock horse English means low key, we dont wear breeches or tall boots to practice, at the most some will wear half chaps. Now I know that this is not true for every stock horse barn, but bear with me, I have a point. When EVERYONE who knows more than you, is riding in half chaps and jeans, with a standard troxel schooling helmet, wouldn't you feel like an asshole showing up at the barn in Ariat leather tall boots, riding breeches and (and I am not kidding) a velvet show helmet? What are we trying to say with that outfit? Are we trying to say "I know what I am doing"? because what you are actually telegraphing is "I am an asshole". This is the same person who DROVE to the barn with her velvet helmet on, -what the hell? I mean, really, what the hell? I don't drive to shows with my cowboy hat on, (although I have seen some assholes wear them out to dinner after a show - please).
Now as an aside, lest my trainer bring it up, I have bought my share of really stupid things, especially when I first started to own horses. But I got rid of them when I figured out what was going on. My trainer either said, "Um, what are you thinking?" or I figured out myself how stupid I looked. Maybe I should thank her for her honesty, now that I think about it, or I would be plunking around now in an Australian saddle and bitching how I never win when I show in it! But I digress, the point is, don't be an asshole, look around.
Poser group number 3 are what I like to call the "scientists" they dont actually get on their horses and ride, or really are in any kind of effective lesson program. They are sure that what ever is wrong (and there is always something wrong) can be fixed with diet, bucket warmers, shoeing, turnout (0r no turnout) or an ace bandage aroung the ass while lunging. Let me assure you, your horse isn't "too hot" because it is on sweet feed. It is too hot because you bought a retarded thoroughbred. This is the same genius that insisted on no turnout (or more turnout, I can't remember, but then again does it really matter?). My favorite was the ace bandage around the ass, what a classic, now if this had actually helped, I would have no problem with it, but I think you can guess that it didn't help. These are the ones who spend endless hours "de-spooking" their horse, which is infinitely more convenient than riding, in case you didn't know.
Lastly, are people who ride "dressage" dressage is in quotes and italicized because these people dont really ride dressage, they might have taken a lesson or two, or plunked around a "dressage" barn but they are really just posers. I'll paint a picture, we are single, kind of old and kooky, and have "been around" horses a lot without actually learning anything useful. These women would really like to jump, but are too afraid because their horses are green and nuts, so they get on for 10 or 15 minutes every month "bend", "flex" do sitting trot (cause we cant post) get off without ever cantering, and yap to everyone at the university where they work about how they ride "dressage" .
There you are, if anyone has any additions, I would love to here them!
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