The Appaloosa Stink-Eye and "The Haves and Have Nots"

Well I didn't think I would have any Turd Burglar news but he never dissapoints. Apparently the Burglar splatted himself again. Lucky he has 80 million blanket layers on and there is 6" of snow on the ground. My sister laughs at me for that but really, I think he would be dead by now if he didn't "floof" when he splatted. What a dork! He has been on daily turnout since I have owned him and that has been over a year. You would think that going outside wouldn't be that amazing anymore, but no, the burglar gets SO excited!!!! He needs a hamster ball to run around in.

I wish I could say that my horse has friends, but honestly I don't think the other horses think he is very cool at all. All the mares hate him, and the geldings either ignore him or find him annoying. He is officially "pro-noid" which means that despite all evidence to the contrary he actually thinks other horses like him. Poor burglar! At least his mommy knows how special he is!

The Burglar's best-est friend is the spottiest damn appaloosa you have ever seen. They make quite a flashy pair, those two. The Appaloosa has many nicknames, Tickles, Spotty bastard, Crapaloosa and my personal favorite, Dirk Diggler. We call him Dirk Diggler after the character in "Boogie Nights" you know, the one with the ridiculously long - ahem- thingy. DD loves his thingy and he will happily show it to you no matter what the weather, time of day or occasion. Brushing, standing, showmanship, baths, feeding, sleeping, pooping, you get the idea. I must say not having many others to compare it to, it is an impressive thingy.

But I am getting off track, I promised myself that today I would explain the "Appaloosa Stink-Eye" . This is a magical thing that can convey every emotion, suspicion, curse and blessing that a given appaloosa might have, and DD has them in spades! The stink-eye is a powerful weapon, wielded only by the most crafty appaloosas. Below is a photo journal of the diversity of stink-eyes that appies can posess: This is the "golly, howya doin" stink-eye, don't fall for it, it is only meant to catch you off guard and lay one other, more diabolical stink-eyes on you. Like this one:

This one is a classic, it is the, "how far away is the Turd Burglar, and can I bite him before my mom sees" look. Very evil. It is a look so evil, that only those with the purest hearts, who happen to poop rainbows and when they do it smells like fresh baked bread and roses, can resist it's evil influence. Poor Turd Burglar, can you imagine such an innocent being of light subjected to the black hole of tricksy-ness that is the Leopard Appaloosa Stink-Eye. Now you know the Burglar's pain.

Today's topic is a short one, because the stink-eye is making me a little jittery. Today's topic is "horse minds - some got 'em, some ain't". I had a horse before the Burglar that sort of fell into the latter category. He wasn't stupid, that is not what the horse "mind" is all about. He was just an asshole. Actually, that was his nickname, "Asshole" because he really, truely was one. He was 11 years old when I bought him, he had been a halter horse for his first couple of years and did o.k., but wasn't lighting the world on fire or anything. Then he sat around and did basically nothing for 7 years and was bought by my barn owner for her daughter to do open shows and equestrian team on. Then he ripped open his shoulder on a stall latch through 3 layers of muscle and was basically out of commission for 6 months. The girl lost interest, I liked him, voila, a match made in hell.

I learned to ride on the A-hole, I learned to ride really well, actually, and my trainer turned him into a beautiful mover, not circuit quality, but really nice open show quality. Here is the problem. The horse was a rank bastard, he really resented you for asking him to do anything, I think we hit a plateau and the A-hole said "that is it, I am done, I WILL NOT try any more" . He was a sour bastard, it wasn't until I got the TB that I found out that you shouldn't have to smack your horse every 30 seconds in the cross ties because he is trying to bite you. I haven't ever had to hit the Burglar since I owned him. I had to smack the A-hole EVERY DAY! The final straw was went the A-hole bronc-ed me off when I asked him to do a turn on the haunches bridle-less. That's all it was, no spurring, no slapping or yanking, just stop and pivot and he BLEW.

Since my experience with the A-hole, I have come to appreciate how sweet some horses can be. Dirk Diggler is a perfect example as well. DD tries , you have to insist sometimes, but he never says, "no way, and if you ask again, you're dead" the Burglar is the same.

I know lots of people who had horses like the A-hole, they were crazy, lazy or broken in some other way. Most of those people moved up and they are much happier because of it. To anyone who has a horse like the A-hole I would say, "give up, give up now before it is too late and you are scared and discouraged and you quit horses altogether"

God, that was more depressing than I wanted it to be, here, this will cheer you up: "Parelli is a KOOK!" aaah that feels better!

Ciao!