Pep Talks and "Mall Zombies"

Not much new on the Turd Burglar front, I had a lesson last night and an awesome pep talk about how far the TB has come since I bought him a year ago. Very cool. Our next show is in six weeks or so, and since I have learned so much about showing the TB I hope to do even better. It is so cool to actually learn and get better every time I show, I used to just get my old horse through it hoping there would be no embarrasing incidents, now I can actually think about my performance and make adjustments for the next time. I love the Turd Burglar.

Today's topic is another companion piece. My topic yesterday was "stupid" science, today I am taking on the ultimate stupid science venues, "equine affaire", "horse Expo" et al. These events are to horse kooks, what Mecca is to muslims.

They flock to these idiot conventions, Stacy Westfall tickets clutched to their bosoms. Like zombies headed to the mall after the apocolypse.

I dont see a difference, do you?

All the "science-y" items from yesterday's blog can be found at the equinehorseexpoaffaire in spades, including some kind of "clinic" held by the nut job who invented it, I am sure. Demonstrations of red light therapy and Dr. Cooks bitless (and far superior to the rusty chunks of metal you stuff in your poor long suffering horse's mouth) bridles, do-it-yourself chiropracticy (or whatever they would call it) natural horse trimming demonstrations and

aromatherapy for equines, (at $64 a bottle). The horse on the right looks like he is laughing at that idiot for spending money on that crap instead of riding lessons or training. Here is your typical list of presentations and clinics: "dressage" (the quotes are on purpose, remember?), MontyPatRobbinsLyonsParelli or Clinton Anderson on "naturalistic, empathetic horsinalities and green rubber balls; how to massage the inner spirit of horsitude", Stacy Westfall reining bridleless (J.C. can she just retire already, big GD deal!), The fabulous wonderfully majickal baroque fluffy warhorse extravaganza (in costume), acupuncture/pressure, My Favorite Idiot, Lydia Hiby, who apparently would like to show off the fact that she is getting bitten by this appaloosa:

Then you might get luck and see a rearing demonstration like this one:

That guy so looks like his is going to end up on his ass! He can also teach your horse to squash the green (or red) Parelli ball, sit on a bench and climb a ladder, all very important skills when the zombies come.

Then there is one of the most useless and stupid demonstrations of all time, which is a pretty big accomplishment at the equinehorseaffaireexpo, it is the thrilling, completely appalling in it's stupidity, Cowboy Mounted Shooting demonstrations. This is when a bunch of chuck-wagon idiots wiz around on mules or whatever it is "Cookie" would have owned and shoot guns full of blanks at balloons on a stick. You may be thinking, Exes, there has to be more to it than that!?! but I assure you, there isn't. What follows is my photographic evidence, people first get dressed up like this:

And then they do this:

There you have it folks, pretty much everything you need to know about EquineHorseExpoAffaire, now you don't have to go. You can thank me later, perhaps when the zombies run out of aromatherapy oil.

Ciao!